gudrunorut

I decided to write this blog in English because I felt that I wanted to address it to all my female (and male of course) friends. Swedish, English, Swiss, German. Before we get going I would really like to emphasize that the meaning of this blog is not to slag someone off, it’s not about right or wrong, left or right. It is just my story, my perception, my feelings.

 

A while back I started feeling really low. Empty. A couple of months later I decided to take it seriously. I started eating medicine and I went to see a therapist (whom I’m still seeing). As we started to speak I was confronted with many questions and thoughts. Things I have never reflected on. Don’t worry, I am not going to mention all my issues here so you can keep on reading. As I started this internal psychological journey and have kept on travelling, I realized that one of the issues that made me nervous, sad, twist and turn in my bed at night, was my role as a woman. Here in Switzerland. Once again. I am speaking about the fit, between me and Switzerland. I am not talking about some big universal truth meaning that all Swiss women should emigrate and move to Sweden. That is not at all what I mean. But I was raised in an entirely different society and while I was doing this psychological journey in my inner self, I realized that this is one of my issues.

 

So what has happened along the way? During these seven odd years that I have been here, what happened? What was it that lead to this crisis with myself and my role as a woman in the Swiss society? Before we get to that I would like to explain to my Swedish and my Swiss friends how different Sweden and Switzerland actually are.

 

I was born and raised in a society where women have fought actively and loudly for their rights. To be equal with a man. With that I mean, they have fought for equality between gender concerning salary, power and political position. It is a fight that has become one of the bone structures of the Swedish society. An issue that never rest, always in magazines, newspaper, discussions on television. The fight for equal rights in Sweden is ongoing, loud and never stops. Hopefully.

 

This struggle has led to a society with a good, solid child care. Roughly speaking, the cost of daycare in Sweden for a month is slightly cheaper than what you pay in Switzerland for ONE DAY. It is cheap, and in my opinion, essential if you want to achieve some kind of equality between women and men. In Sweden the maternity leave is 52 weeks (please parents in Sweden, feel free to correct me. As you know, I do not have children of my own) and of these 52 weeks, the father has to take at least 8 weeks paternity leave. And I hope you read that correctly, it is compulsory. Oh and I forgot, at childbirth, the mother and the father get ten days off together (once again, please feel free to correct me!) In my opinion, good maternity and paternity leave is an investment in the future good health of our society. If the father then wish to take a longer paternity leave, we welcome that with open arms. In Sweden, just like in every other country, men still make more money than women. Unfortunally. However, if a father wants to stay home longer than that, the government will help you out, compensate for the difference in salary between the mother and the father (not fully, but partly).

 

So, if you ever were to visit Stockholm, have a look around.  You will see daddies with their strollers walking around with their babies. Having coffee with their fellow paternity leave dads or maternity leave moms. They are everywhere you look. So while the mother is at work, the father gets some proper quality time with his children. Time to improve the attachment between father and child as we would say in psychological terms. The majority of men are fully content with the Swedish society. They, just like us (not to the same extent, but they do support us), fight for equality. For (most) Swedish men, it makes no sense that you should stay at home, “just because” the arbitrary fact that you are a woman. At the same time, most men are enjoying their paternity leave and are thankful for the fact that Sweden, as a society and by their doings, signalize that the father is just as important as the mother.

 

The contrast is overwhelming. In Switzerland your maternity leave is 14 weeks. Yep. I am not joking. But listen to this, paternity leave can vary, anything from one day to a couple of weeks. My boyfriend had one day, until his company was nice enough to give him 5 days. I can imagine that a lot of Swedes go, whaaat right about now. But, this is how the Swiss society is structured. To each his own.

 

In Sweden I would assume, that most women are back at work between 1 to 2 years after childbirth. They have then (as well as the fathers) been able to spend solid, quality time with their children. That very essential time that is important for the attachment between the child and the (both!) parents. And after a certain time, they go back to work and the children go to daycare.  As the children grow older, they tend to manage well on their own. In Sweden lunch is served in school. From the age of seven until the age of 19. This meal is obviously for free, or more correct, paid with tax money. So children can go to school and stay there until the school day is over. If nobody is home at that time, they can stay in school and play with the other children until their parents have finished work.

 

As mentioned before, child care in Switzerland is superfucking expensive. At the same time, as the children grow older, schools here in Switzerland do not serve lunch, but the children need to go home and eat their lunch. So if you were to actually have a job, you would have to make sure that somebody is home to cook lunch for your children. Obviously, making it somewhat complicated to have a job. And to have a job a little bit further away seems impossible. Obviously, there are alternative solutions, such as “collective” lunch at a friend’s house or that the grandparents are cooking for the children. But it all seem to be such a hassle. And my position on this, is that I understand Swiss women who stay at home, or at least, make sure that they are home when lunch is served. For their children not to be alone. Hell, I would do the same thing. I would not want my children to come home to an empty house and then have to microwave yesterday’s dinner. I would also make sure that either I or Puttefnask would be home for lunch. On this matter, I love the Swedish system. That the children are served lunch in school. They can spend time with their friends. Play and have a proper break. And not to forget are the children who might only have that one meal every day. Whom comes from an unsafe environment and where school is their only safe haven.

 

All of this leads to two totally different family structures. It needs to be said that I have tried to look up statistics but it is really detailed. But my conclusion is that the family structure is usually that women and men work, around the same amount. In Switzerland the woman is often a housewife and the man is the money maker. I think that it is common that women has a half-time job, 20-40 per cent. More common when the children are older.

 

I can imagine that a lot of Swedish women read this blog and react negatively. Poor, suppressed women. They need to start fighting. According to my perception, this is not the case. Women in Switzerland are content with their situation, in general. Not everybody obviously, but the majority. I have come to realize, after all this time in Switzerland, that my truth can only be my truth. I cannot condemned a society that seem to be pretty happy with their family situation. I hear that many Swiss would like to improve their family politic (concerning maternity leave) but other than that, most women and men seem happy. This is obviously not absolute, there will be women and men in Sweden as well as in Switzerland who are dissatisfied with the structure of family politics.

 

To come back to why I wrote this blog. As time went by, I realized that most women are satisfied in Switzerland. Or at least far away from the critical thinking that I had. When I came here and I realized how the situation actually looked, I thought, I am going to fight for and with these women. They need to not be dependent on anybody but themselves. Until I realized, that most women are not willing to fight. They like it like this and who am I to judge? Too each his own. And this is an essential part to my “depression”. That I realized that I have to go with the flow. Accept the society as it is. Or move home. Because without the will to change, things will not change. I love Switzerland in so many ways and that is why this realization hurt so badly. I am most likely not going to be able to run my life the way I wish and therefore, I am “forced” to move back. Not saying that I do not want to move back. I just feel like I do not really have a choice sometimes. And to empasize, I am not saying that there is something wrong with how the family structure is in Switzerland, it is just not for me. To each his own. 

 

And I think that the most important conclusion here is that we need to be more open to people and how they decide to run their life. This apply to all people, in all countries. We need to be more open and less judgmental.  I mentioned the struggle for women’s’ right in Sweden. This fight, that used to be a union of women, fighting for the same cause, has changed. We have women fighting against women. Fighting for equality but fighting against each other at the same time. “You are not the right kind of feminist!” (A feminist is a synonym for equality fighter. Nothing more, nothing less. It means the same rights between gender concerning politics, power and salary. Nothing more, nothing less). So instead of fighting together, they more often fight against each other and in my opinion, feminism in Sweden, which cause I praise, need to stop these internal battles. At the end of the day, we are all women.

 

And the same thing can be applied to Switzerland. We need to stick together. We need to do what we think is best for our family and our children. And not judge others. A friend of mine (I will let the name be unsaid) will go on maternity leave here in Switzerland in September. As she talked to her supervisors, and said that she wants to come back after a year, to work 80 per cent. Her supervisors’ greatest concern was that other women would talk. Call her a bad mother. And this is exactly what I mean. In Sweden she would not be perceived as a bad mother. In Switzerland, apparently, she will. And the problem lies right here. We should not judge other women. We should fight together. Not judge. In Sweden as well as in Switzerland and everywhere else. To each his own. Regardless of how we want to live our lives, we should fight together. Support each other. Be more accepting towards women whom does not want to live their life in the same manner as we do. This can be applied to Swedish women, Swiss women, Women of the world. We need to support each other no matter what. To each his own.

 

Obviously, this blog could have been at least another couple of pages. At least. There are so many issues and important aspects that can be mentioned. But I will leave it like this. We should really start fighting together and not against each other. Don`t get me wrong though. I would like to see that societies move towards a Swedish family strucutre. I strongly believe in our family politics and the advantages that it brings.  But more importantly is that we are united. And happy. A happy woman is for me a victory. And happy parents are at the end of the day, the best parents. 

 

That was that. About that.